Possible Alien Craft Reported Near Proposed Bypass Site

UFO crash Residents near the site of the long-proposed bypass have reported an unidentified object in a field off the ring road on Wednesday evening, though the council says it has no record of any incident.

Bypass The bypass has been mired in controversy after councillor Barry Gainskill’s plans to link the bypass to the A41. Labour demanded Gainskill’s resignation after his proposal meant the cost of the road would increase from £14 million to £10 billion.

UFOs are surprisingly common The possible alien spaceship crash would only add to this estimate, according to Neil Gately, Stourgate’s pre-eminent UFO historian. Mr Gately said that UFOs are surprisingly common in East Kent.

ET phone home Barry Fenn, who was first on the scene, described a “definite dent” in the grass and “a smell like burnt toast,” and he thought he might have glimpsed an alien that looked a bit like ET.

Alien bursting through chest A council spokesperson said the matter “falls outside the scope of the current bypass review”.

UFO hotline The Stourgate Bugle has set up a UFO hotline where you can report any further alien sightings. Any confirmed sightings win the caller £10 (real alien with big eyes and stretched head sort of thing, no payment for killer viruses etc) .