Puzzles

1. GUESS THE WORD

Clue: it is not oblong.

2. CRYPTIC CLUE ABOUT THE DARKNESS

Justin, singer of the Darkness made the love sign. Must be a messed up shithead wanker (7,7).

3. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

1. What is the capital of Brazil?
2. What is the connection between Ghandi, Leamington Spa, a gherkin, and Tower Bridge? (Clue:welding equipment).
3. Where were Dorothy and Herman married?
4. If I take 7 from 8 what is left? (Clue: it’s 1).
5. What is the only landlocked ocean?
6. How much is a haircut these days?

4. BRAIN TEASERS

1. If it takes 2 men eight days to dig a hole, how big is it?
2. There is only one word in the English language that rhymes with cat. What is it?
3. Alice and Jack are at a dinner party with two other couples, Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob. No one called Bob is allowed to sit next to another Bob, no woman can sit at the table, all diners must be left handed, each couple must sit tangentially opposed to each other. Where does Jack sit?
4. How many Reform voters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

5. ARTISTIC BATTLESHIPS

Draw the coordinates of where you think we’ve hidden the Bugle’s battleship. Prizes awarded for artistic excellence and accurate injury detail.

6. WHERE IN THE WORLD?

The Bugle’s cat, Timmy, has gone missing again. Where in the world is he this week? This week Timmy is one mile north of Stourgate, where in the world is he? Give your answer to the nearest town. All towns are in common use in the Oxford English Kids Book of Towns. In the event of a tie, jousting will be used to decide the winner.

Prize: luxury cruise for 18 people on the River Stour, alight Grove Ferry, disembark Stodmarsh. Fees may be applicable for oversize luggage, no pets except badgers. No cash equivalent. Competition promoted by Dave’s Prizes, Dunton Industrial Estate, Dunton.

7. NEW: STOURGATE CROSSWORD

ACROSS

1. Anarcho-Punk band (8)
2. Band split evenly over manager’s start, then split again over its cubicle’s opening (4,3,4,7)
3. SGS headmaster, first name (3)
4. Stourgate’s serially relegated new manager, first name (3)
5. Stourgate Town’s home ground (6)
6. Band mangles bashful filth maniac (4,3,4,7)
7. Anarcho-punk band (5)
8. Ian Lees (6)

DOWN

1. What the RSPCA marksman was doing while waiting for the dog to reappear (12)
2. Band who get knocked down, but get up again. Actually that is not true because they split up. So try: Anarcho-Punk band (11)
3. What’s allegedly in the marina after the alien crash (6,4)
4. The opposite of is heavily but also the same thing (3,7)
5. Rancid shithole (6)
6. God’s favourite town (9)

*Answers in next week’s edition. The Editor’s decision is final.

LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS

1. GUESS THE WORD - kayaak (canoe is not ok).

2. CRYPTIC CROSSWORD ABOUT THE DARKNESS - Beleaguered Trouser Trumpet.

3. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE - all the answers were 7.

4. BRAIN TEASERS - 1. olive oil. 2. Cheeeeep. 3. Yes 4. You looking at me? 5. Come one then if you think you’re hard enough.

5. ARTISTIC BATTLESHIPS - winner was Mrs Olive Trabezant who depicted A4 in yellow.

6. WHERE IN THE WORLD? - Timmy was in Tabor, Czech Republic at Mighty Sounds Punk and Ska Festival.